I want to be holy, God.
I have a vague idea of what this thing called “holiness” is.
I read about women and men who lived holy lives.
I need a clear idea.
Is there some method or technique I can use?
A formula or spiritual exercise to follow?
All I know is that my life is anything but holy.
I feel anxious and insecure,
fearful, resentful and cold-hearted.
Perhaps it is not time
to throw myself with renewed vigor
into what I think I need to attain.
I don’t have the energy.
Besides, in the past my effort did not lead me to change;
at best, it covered up my root need.
What I really want, God, is to be a certain kind of person,
with a holiness that I sense cannot be achieved by my effort.
It is not a commodity to buy, or a prize I win.
Holy One, could it be that what matters is who I am
and what I become through you?